Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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