she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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