it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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