Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
