i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
