Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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