Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
