Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
