may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
