I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
