I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And then he peed in my hair
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