I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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