3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
