Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
