I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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