Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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