Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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