imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
