i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize