Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
