I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
