I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
