I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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