u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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