i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
