Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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