my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
