My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
