Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
