obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
