Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
