Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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