I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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