I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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