somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
