I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
