wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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