I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's shark week go big or go home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
