I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
