guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
