I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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