Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
