Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
