i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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