I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
