had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize