It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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