I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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