I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
