There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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