well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
