I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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