I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
