According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
