Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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