you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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