dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
