The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
