Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
