Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
