dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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