i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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