walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
