bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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