I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
