Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
