So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
