Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize